Cabin fever

 - I think I’ve been staying inside too much.

- I my opinion, the outside is quite overrated. Why would we even need to go outside?

- I don’t know. I used to do it before everything started.

- I used to venture outside as well when I was a lot younger. Dreadful experience for oneself.

- But outside is where we met.

- I will not deny that the outside did not provide some privileges at a certain point, but one should learn to overgrow it.

- They say people should go outside to exercise and get some sun for vitamin D.

- Are you not satisfied with what the windows provide us on a regular basis?

- We need UV light.

- You are not easy to satisfy. I would suggest looking for a UV lightbulb on one of your nocturnal shopping sprees for new hobbies. You might even consider about adding a treadmill to your list to get yourself covered on the need for exercise that you speak of.

- Should I buy a treadmill? Sounds like a waste of space and money for just me using it.

- You mentioned the need for exercise. If you desire, I can partake in its usage. I must admit that I have gained some weight recently and is affecting me.

- You do look a little fat.

- I beg your pardon? Do not dare to insult me again or else I would have to resort to barbaric violence.

- Damn, you’re sensible. Rod was right about you.

- Rod? You are still conversing with Rod?

- Yeah! Every time I go to the kitchen.

- Oh my! Has Rod proposed any unorthodox ideas lately?

- He did say I should try making some flambe food.

- Does sound quite harmless, but I would suggest doing something basic for starters.

- He said you’d say no.

- I am attempting to keep you away from harm’s way. Have you forgotten how Rod suggested making a campfire in the middle of the house because the heat was out?

- I was going to use the trashcan.

- Ah yes, the trashcan that would have miraculously contained the flames and protect us from all the smoke inhalation.

- Okay, you may have a point there.

- Rob is not a good influence on you. I was sure that he left the premises month’s ago.

- You’re just jealous that he’s allowed in the kitchen and you’re not. He has fun ideas.

- You want an idea that is “fun”? Let us kill Rod.

- Kill Rod?

- The sooner the better.

- Are you crazy?

- I’m not the one talking to his pet cat and an imaginary friend that sits in the kitchen providing ways to end your life.

- I’m done listening to you! I’m gonna go outside.

- Meow.

- Don’t you try to stop me.

- Meow!

- Just let me go outside!

- FINE! But please, get off the ledge. I beg of you! Don’t jump! You’re the only one that truly cared for me since I was a little kitten. I have grown fond of you over time and I don’t want you to throw your life away.

- The ledge? What are you talking, oh shit! Why was I on the ledge? Shit, shit, shit! It’s time to lock the balcony forever.

- You terrified me! Do not attempt that again! Provide me the key and I will conceal it.

- Here! Take it! I’ve been inside too much.

- I apologies I dismissed your feelings. I see now that the effects of being confide inside are much more serios than I initially assessed. I agree, you need to go outside for your mental health.

- But what if something happens? I was okay before, but after almost jumping out the balcony I’m not sure I’ll survive.

- Bring me along. I can reside in your backpack and protect you as a feline guardian angel, if you will.

- Promise?

- I promise! I will not allow any harm to come near you.

- Thank you.

- Certainly. I do have a brief enquiry.

- What is it?

- May we purchase a novelty mouse for entertainment purposes?

- Oh, you want a toy.

- I am still a cat.

- Sure.